Articles - Health

Talking with children about WAR

by Naomi Drew

War on the horizon, bellicose words in the news, finger pointing headlines. How do we talk to our children about all this in ways that make sense? How do we empower our children in the face of such negativity and gloom?

We live in a complex world, and the motivation to use violence to solve problems needs to be seriously questioned. It is essential that we help our children perceive peaceful alternatives. We need to use these troubled times as an opportunity to create a new vision for the future.

What you can do

* Let your children know that violence is a choice, not an inevitability. Share this wonderful quote from the philosopher Norman Cousins: "War is an invention of the human mind. The human mind can also invent peace." Ask them what they think peace would look like.

* Let your children know that war is not the only available option. Share this documented fact with them: Throughout our history as a species, there have been more incidences of peace than war. People have found ways to work and live cooperatively, and even though there have been wars, countries who once were enemies have learned to coexist peacefully. Examples are France and Germany, the United States and Russia.

* Allow your children to speak their fears and trepidations. Many children have no hope for peace. If your child is one of them, or if he believes war is the only answer, let him express what he feels. Then ask what other things might help create peace.

* If your child asks, "What about bad people who try to hurt us, like Sadaam Hussein?" the answer to this question will vary according to the age of your child. Young children need lots of reassurance. Tell them that Mom and Dad will always protect them, and when they are in school, their teachers and principal will do everything possible to keep them safe. Then, tell them about the United Nations and stress that the UN was formed to help the countries of the world live together in peace. Let them know that the United Nations is working on exactly that right now.

For older children, let them know that there are other ways people could choose to deal with Sadaam and people like him without bombing a country. Other things we can do are:

1. Work with our United Nations and with other countries to contain, even arrest, those who commit crimes against humanity, as we did with Slobodan Milosovich. He was captured and tried in the World Court and is now in jail.

2. Work together with our allies to deal with people who might be threats.

3. Be willing to not build as many nuclear weapons so that other countries don’t feel they have to build them to keep up with us.

What else?

* If your children ask, "What if another country attacks us?" tell them that by working with as many countries as possible in eradicating hunger, poverty, and preventable diseases, it will be less likely that this will happen. Tell them that it is very important that all of us work to prevent the conditions that lead to war, and these are some of the root causes.

* Also, let your children know that there may be certain instances where we have no choice but to protect ourselves (like if we were directly attacked), but this isn’t happening now. War should be the very last option, not the first. We have the ability to create peace, and it starts with each of us.

* Tell your children that what we put our energy into is what we get. Over the past 70 years or so, our country has become very focused on war. Huge amounts of our financial resources, technological advances, and intellectual energy have gone toward developing the ways of war. We have neglected creating the ways of peace. If we put as much energy into developing the ways of peace, we would stop seeing war as the only option. But there are people and institutions working on this right now. Visit the following websites with your children to learn more about them:

UNICEF’s Voices of Youth program
http://www.unicef.org/voy/meeting/meethome.html
Helps children learn about what affects other kids in today’s world. Includes information on children and war, children rights, and other important issues.

People for Peace
http://hometown.aol.com/pforpeace/index.htm
Includes stories and activities for kids on creating more peace in their communities, schools, and world.

Y2KYouth
http://www.Y2KYouth.org
A clearinghouse of information on peace, violence, and service for teens. Its motto: "It only takes one child to educate a village." 

Youth M-Power
www.youthm-power.org
For kids who want to make peace. "M" stands for mediation. Links kids nationwide, and provides resources and activities.

The Carter Center
www.cartercenter.org
Working to set up democratic governments, eradicate hunger, and other roots of war and violence. Its mission: "To reduce conflict and to alleviate suffering in the world."

The Hague Appeal for Peace
www.haguepeace.org
Its goal: To create a culture of peace, and prevent and transform violent conflict. Sponsors conferences and peace education programs, and offers materials on teaching peace. You can order their free e-newsletter by e-mailing this address: hap@ialana.org

The United States Institute of Peace
www.usip.org
Its mission: "To strengthen the nation’s capabilities to promote the peaceful resolution of international conflicts."

International Peace Academy
www.ipacademy.org
Promotes the prevention and settlement of armed conflicts between and within states through policy research and development. 

Remind your children that these programs are just the beginning. 
We’ll see more and more of them when more people demand them.

* Share this quote with your children from author Harold Kushner: "The small choices and decisions we make a hundred times a day add up to determining the kind of world we live in." Ask them what choices we can make each day to create the kind of world we want to live in. 

* Let your children know that countries sometimes decide to fight wars when they don’t see any other alternatives, but the alternatives are always there. By living peacefully in our homes, schools, and communities, we can start changing the world one person at a time. How can you start doing this right in your own home?