Articles - Parenting

Building a Better World, One Pair of Socks at a Time

IN ADDITION TO THE BASICS—keeping kids safe, fed, clothed, educated and entertained—most parents try to nurture children to become independent and responsible community members. If parents expect kids to pitch in with household work, they instill good values about work and responsibility. In fact, maybe letting your toddler make a sandwich or fold socks is the first building block of a better world. Creating a family life in which children learn to care for self and surroundings often takes extra time, planning and patience.

Start young. Surprisingly, even toddlers and preschoolers enjoy being asked to help out with small tasks. To foster a very young child’s independence, think kid-scale. For example, you might install hooks for outerwear, storage cubbies and mirrors at your child’s level (or at least provide an easily movable stool). You could also buy pint-size but functional tools like mops, brooms and gardening equipment. Breaking down tasks into small parts is key. For example, ask your child to concentrate on the sink and the vanity while you tend to the commode, tub, and the mirror. Be ready to explain and model how to do the job right—and keep your expectations reasonable.

After you’ve taught your child how to do various self-care and household tasks, let him or her do as much as possible independently. Encourage your child to ask for help if necessary. But if your child misses a blob of jelly on the table or buttons a shirt lopsided, so what? He or she is probably very proud of the accomplishment, and hasty criticism from beloved mom or dad might cause shame or even anger. Small successes—however imperfect—breed confidence.

Make housework a whole-family activity. Some families set aside a couple of hours, often on weekends, for cleaning together. Others make job charts stating each member’s responsibility and tasks are rotated weekly or monthly. And the Seven Dwarfs had one thing right—if you whistle (or listen to tunes) while you work, everyone’s more cheerful about doing chores.

Older children may begin to balk at helping with chores or cleaning their rooms. But holding them to expectations sends the message that their participation is valuable and necessary. Offering an allowance—whether connected to household chores or not—helps them understand budgeting and delayed gratification (if I buy the ice cream cone now it will take me longer to save for the computer game I have my eye on). Managing their own money grooms realistic consumers and instills financial responsibility. This is especially important when children are expected to save a portion for college or charitable donations.

Discussions about independence between older teenagers and their parents may include more complex topics like dating, driving, curfews or college visits. Many parents continue to link privilege with responsibility. For instance, using the family car might depend on getting good grades or chipping in for car insurance. ¨

Kristine Berggren is a stay-at-home mother of three. She is a regular columnist on family life for the National Catholic Reporter.