By Gina Roberts-Grey LCSW

Before having a baby, you were able to enjoy frequent and often spontaneous periods of time to spend at your discretion. You could take a leisurely walk, enjoy a movie with your partner or friends, or decadently lounge in a relaxing weekend bubble bath. Parenthood instantly refocuses your priorities and tests your time management skills.

In the .first months after having a child, parents often unwillingly neglect themselves and their needs as individuals. Spending time on yourself feels far too indulgent or remains a distant fantasy. Between adjusting to the emotional and physical demands of bringing her home, and the change in your routines and household dynamics, you feel as though there is no time for a break.

Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent or work full or part-time, you deserve the chance to collect your thoughts and process your feelings and goals. Because you want to excel at parenting it’s dif- . cult to accept that you feel exhausted or that you miss having time for yourself. You’re not being selfish if you make some time every day for yourself. Everyone requires the occasional opportunity to be an individual instead of being a parent, spouse, volunteer, or co-worker. Giving yourself the chance to take a break gives you and baby a much needed fresh perspective.

He won’t feel neglected or insecure if you create consistent, independent periods for him to play or spend quiet moments in his room. Small amounts of time spent in his room, crib, or playpen give him the chance to learn to entertain himself and learn how to relax. You’ll also discover that you can be a successful nurturing parent while granting yourself some personal time.

Allow yourself as little as 10 minutes once or twice a day to indulge yourself with a hot shower or sit down for lunch while he plays in his crib. When he naps catch up on your sleep as well or read a book. Forgo household tasks for a few minutes to have time to enjoy a cup of coffee or read the newspaper before the day’s current events are in the past.

You deserve some free time and should find moments to squeeze in small breaks. Rejuvenate both of you mid-day so you both can enjoy a pleasant evening. Turn on a soothing baby tunes CD for him to listen to while rocking in his swing and gazing out his bedroom window or lolling in his playpen. Use this time to read a magazine, make a phone call, or sit quietly for 3 to 5 songs (depending on their length). With the monitor at hand to ensure his safety, you will create a tranquil moment for both of you.

Every new parent appreciates the little things that seem to slip away after the baby is born such as finishing a meal while it’s still hot instead of re-heated twice. Plan one or two hours each week just to pamper yourself. You’ll give your co-parent the chance to spend quality time with the baby as they begin to develop their personal relationship.

Always dress as though you’re going out even if you’re staying in the house. The extra effort of putting on a pair of jeans or khaki’s and a fun blouse or sweater will invoke more of a positive self image than will lounging clothes. A positive appearance lends to a positive attitude. Allotting a few personal minutes at the start of your day provides a good chance to approach the day with a fresh point of view. You’ll feel better having been able to dry your hair or apply some quick make-up or perfume as you accomplish household tasks.

New parents often lose the art of holding a conversation about a subject other than the baby. When you have the chance to share a day home as a family, remember to schedule some time to share an adult conversation with your partner. While baby’s safely occupied or sleeping, make lunch together to discuss subjects other than what stage your baby is in. Do a crossword puzzle or watch a movie together. Take the time to continually rediscover each other as partners as well as parents.

Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help to find time for yourself. Talk to parents in playgroup or close friends to arrange a co-op designed to create free time for parents (see sidebar). Take turns once a week to watch each other’s babies. Your baby will gain an early experience of interacting with new people, and you’ll be able to have an hour to spend at your discretion.

When you’re inundated with household or work obligations that you want to accomplish while he’s napping, take a moment for yourself before diving into a hectic day. As tempting as the household chores and work commitments are, remember that utilizing some spare time to grant yourself the chance to unwind will make you more productive and content.

By allowing for some peaceful moments to catch your breath, you’ll find you enjoy your routine activities more. The time spent caring for and playing with your baby will be enhanced by the time you give yourself. He’ll sense you’re at ease after you’ve had the opportunity to have a break. You’ll be prepared to aptly handle the changes in your life and look forward to the precious time spent with your baby.